The Wilson's books on the family are just a blessing to me. I appreciate the fact that they write not in a simplistic way, pointing you to methods; rather, they go beyond the methods to the core of our Christan living: our Theology.
What we believe, what is rooted in our hearts and minds is what will determine how we live under the sun every day; how we respond to various circumstances, how we parent our children, how we talk with our friends, how we relate with our brothers and sisters, with what attitude we walk to the kitchen and in the laundry room and... how we love our spouse.
In Douglas Wilson's book, For a Glory and a Covering. A Practical Theology of Marriage, he says,
"A Godly marriage occurs when a man and a woman both die to themselves, and are raised to the life that seeks the best interest of the other in all things. This is the only kind of godly marriage there is. And when we give all away in this manner, we discover that we receive all. We learn to give in order to receive, in order to be able to give some more. And we are married to someone who is doing the same thing.Now, it is not possible to live this way without an applied incarnational knowledge of what the Holy Trinity is like. As we turn away from these sins, we must necessarily turn toward God Himself. And in turning to toward Him, we are learning to imitate Him, as dearly loved children (Eph.5:1)."
Now let's read Wilson's definition of marriage,
"So what then is marriage? Marriage is a form of death in separation and resurrection in union. When God created the world, He immediately set about fashioning the world by means of division. He separated man into male and female and pronounced it all very good. But He divided for the sake of richer union, and for the sake of division itself. What is the principle of this kind of union? The answer is covenant- specifically, covenantal partaking. The bond that ties division and union together is a covenant bond; marriage is based on covenant realities. "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God" (I Cor. 11:3)....Covenant headship bridges the division and accomplishes union... Authority is the principle of union, not the principle of separation. Authority (biblically understood) is what brings them together... In other words marriage is defined by partaking."
Some other quotes worth looking at are these:
"Being a married Christian is a function of simply being a Christian. In other words, we should not expect to find a set of marital "techniques" that are unrelated to the task of living as a Christian generally. For the unmarried, the best preparation for future duties is a pleasant embrace of current duties. For those who are married, there is no way to grow as a husband or wife in Christ apart from growing in Christ period."
"Words are not abstract entities with an ethereal life of their own in Dictionary Heaven. Biblically considered, words are spoken in a particular place at a particular time, and full understanding is only possible for those who by grace understand the world in this same way. Words in this respect are like the Word. "And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us" (Jn. 1:14a). The glory of words is therefore revealed only when they are enfleshed and particularized. This means that the words were given to us in order to be set in place like fine jewelry: "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. As an earring of gold, and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover upon an obedient ear" (Prov. 25:11-12)...Since words only gain fill meaning when set in a specific context, husbands and wives must learn to speak to one another carefully - but there are two kinds of "carefully". You should not have to be careful because you are handling a high explosive that might go off at any time. Rather, you should be careful because you are jeweler of words . you are setting fourteen-carat words in the appropriate place, and when you are done, it will be worth ten thousand dollars. This is the right kind of "carefully".... So we must be diligent students of words in our marriages, understanding all the nuances of our speech."
Now, if you have a question you may want to ask Doug Wilson or his wife Nancy they encourage you to do so here.
Have a most blessed day!