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Praying to a Sovereign God


There are prayers I mutter in the quiet, prayers before my God that I say so quietly because I am so scared of what might happen that I don't even want to hear my voice saying the words.

When your children grow, some say that the problems grow with them. I don't think so, I say instead, when you children grow, your prayers for them grow as well. College is around the corner, I am trying to hold the clock back but it won't stop. I am scared when I hear him talking about his dreams, some dreams I love and share with him, some others, godly too, I don't share and I am broken. But who said we could decide for our children?

My God is Sovereign; we are told in Proverbs that our times, and plans and dreams are in His hands,

"The plans of the heart belong to man,
but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.
All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
but the Lord weighs the spirit.
Commit your work to the Lord,
and your plans will be established.
The Lord has made everything for its purpose,
even the wicked for the day of trouble." Prov. 16:1-4 ESV

I pray to a Sovereign God  who holds our times in His hands and yet my flesh is so weary... At times, in my prayer closet, when my faith should be stronger I fail to trust Him with all my heart and with all my mind, and I am undone not only before the Holy One, but also before the Sovereign One. "How do I convince you, O Lord, that my plans are the best?", is the question my sinful heart wants to raise but I am undone. I know the Lord, I know the Holy Scriptures He has given to his saints. So I remain quiet, I do not want to sin in prayer; I mutter prayers that require all my faith, which at times is so weary, and I say the words that should bring  the greatest peace to my soul and yet some times they seem so hard to say:

“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.

Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.

I am undone again.

It is in the prayer closet that we bring our Credo and our Theology along with our dreams and fears, but also our sinful nature is present and I am so bound to my flesh that my prayers are at times selfish, full of me; so I walk out from my prayer room still carrying my burden because there are some burdens that we love to carry around, instead of leaving them at the feet of the Sovereign One.  Because we are so sinful, we want to have the control of all things, we want to have our will done, we think we are little gods. That is our flesh, that is the ugliness of our presumptuous sinful nature who wants to reign in us.

I am undone, once more.

 Psalm 19: 12-14 says,

Who can discern his errors?
Declare me innocent from hidden faults.
Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins;
let them not have dominion over me!
Then I shall be blameless,
and innocent of great transgression.
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Calvin comments on this portion of the Scripture saying,

"Unless God restrains us, our hearts boil with insolent contempt of him"

Our son is growing into full manhood fearing the Lord, and I ask myself this question: Are my prayers growing with him as well? 

I pour my heart before a Sovereign God.

I am undone because today I left the burden at his feet; I am holding no more in my hands a life that is not mine, my son's life is His.

I am learning that our greatest fights against our sinful nature are not fought in the kitchen, or "outside" in the world, but on our knees...

... before a Sovereign God.

I am undone.


Today I find words of thanksgiving in my mess.

I am grateful, because He knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust. I am grateful
because He is a Father to me, and as a Father
He has compassion on me.
I am grateful because when my soul faints, He raises me up,
I am grateful because when I sin,
I find forgiveness at His feet.
I am grateful because
the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
and his righteousness to children's children,
to those who keep his covenant
and remember to do his commandments.

Today, I am grateful because my burdens are at His feet.

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Who is Becky?

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If I am happy it is because of God! God, in His sovereign grace, has called me out of darkness into His Admirable light. He has opened my eyes and has shown me the way to Eternal Life. He has set my feet on a journey, and now I am walking Daily on My Way to Heaven. I did not find Jesus, He found me. I did not seek Him, yet He called me. I did not love Him, yet He loved me. I deserved death and He gave me Life. This is the place where I keep a journal of my life under His sun and by His grace!
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Borrowed Words

"It becomes us to spend this life only as a journey toward heaven... to which we should subordinate all other concerns of life. Why should we labor for or set our hearts on anything else, but that which is our proper end and true happiness?"

Jonathan Edwards

"I am still pondering God's greatness in His creation. I have so many questions that I would like to ask the Lord about the universe, creation, the fall of man... But when I'm in heaven, I wonder if I will even remember them. At that time, being in the presence of God will be enough. I'm thankful that I can look forward to that day."


“Heaven is not here, it’s There. If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next. God is forever luring us up and away from this one, wooing us to Himself and His still invisible Kingdom, where we will certainly find what we so keenly long for.”

- Elisabeth Elliot, Keep a Quiet Heart

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